NOTE: this Game of Thrones episode review post is dark and full of spoilers, but given that it’s almost three days since it aired, you’ve probably all seen it, so what does it matter.
This week has been the first time since it began this season that I haven’t watched Game of Thrones as soon as it aired.
The truth is, two of my bearded pals side tracked me as they sat drinking in the sun yesterday evening, and if there’s one thing you should know about me: I can’t say no to bearded men offering an evening filled with beer/cider/win/gin…
Needless to say, I regret it now, but I digress – because I’ve watched it now and it was glorious.
The Broken Man recapped
Ian McShane brings The Hound!
The opening of this week’s episode of Game of Thrones was pretty exciting, even though I was initially ridiculously annoyed that ‘The Broken Man’ opened without the customary Game of Thrones theme tune. However, this changed pretty quickly when I realised that The Hound was back!
Left for dead by both Arya and Brienne von Tarth not too long ago, I was really excited to see that Sandor Clegane had survived. Although he was a bittersweet character, I really did enjoy his and Arya’s interactions – plus, I’ll never forget his kindness to sweet Sansa.
Also hilarious was the fact that Ian bloody McShane – the man who dismissed Game of Thrones as ‘tits and dragons’ (not entirely wrong, mind you), made his Game of Thrones debut in ‘The Broken Man’, having taken the Hound under his wing.
His character was quite interesting; a spiritual leader who didn’t profess to know everything about the gods, like other spiritual leaders. Unfortunately, his introduction was short lived, given that he wound up hung by the Brotherhood without Banners. However, it did also result in the pretty amazing reintroduction in Game of Thrones to the Hound – I’m not at all afraid to say that my screams were practically supersonic when he stormed off, picking up the axe with exciting purpose. Get in, Hound!
Jaime Lannister goes out on his own
Following last week’s exile, that ended his current bout of creepy sweet-nothing whispering to his own sister, Jaime was appointed to become leader of the siege against the Blackfish. I was also happy to see that trusty sell-sword Bronn was back at Jaime’s side – although, I prefer seeing him alongside my all-time favourite, Tyrion.
In ‘The Broken Man’, both Jaime and Bronn came face to face with the riveting action that unfolded as he arrived at the Blackfish. Needless to say, it was a bit disappointing that Jaime ‘Kingslayer’ Lannister was reduced to putting idiot Freys in their place as they tried to exude dominance, but the interaction between him and his enemies was interesting.
I quite like an un-fearsome Jaime. In an ideal world he’d be like, ‘you know what, let’s unify the whole of the seven kingdoms and kill the living shit out of some High Sparrow bastards!’ but life doesn’t work out the way we want it to, so we should probably just forget it.
Margaery Tyrell: the player
Natalie Dormer is proving to be one of my favourite actresses in Game of Thrones. She has excelled in pretty much everything else I’ve seen her in, but as the scheming queen, reborn as an acolyte of the High Sparrow? Without a doubt, her best role yet.
I did wonder last week, about whether or not Margaery was playing the game (of Thrones), and this week, it proved that, yes, she bloody well is! I’m so glad! Revealing her sinister, double crossing plan to her best friend and grandmother, Lady Olenna, Margaery proved that she was, in fact, playing a game that would hopefully destroy the High Sparrow and save her brother. To be honest, even without the latter, knowing she hates the High Sparrow is all I needed to know to restore my faith in the beautiful and flowery Queen Tyrell.
As an aside, can I also be the first to point out (although probably not the first) how entirely creepy the following was:
‘Congress requires no desire on the woman’s part, only patience.’
I’m sorry, but someone needs to throw some kind of dagger – or rusty, diseased weapon through the throat of the creepy High Sparrow bastard. How Margaery kept her cool and didn’t stab him with her modest crown is beyond me.
The Wildlings cometh, Game of Thrones
For the first time in season six, we have been given the opportunity to see Tormund Giantsbane doing something other than seductively eating meat in front of Brienne von Tarth. In this episode, he reminded the rest of the Wildling troops that they should be following Jon Snow against House Bolton. It was pretty perfunctory and interesting, especially when the giant – Wun Wun – proclaimed his own very tall allegiance.
Ser Jorah’s extended family
I can’t say that I expected such a sorry state of affairs from the Jon Snow and Sansa Stark recruitment drive, and I am genuinely disappointed that my hopes were shattered when the two remaining Starks (for all intents and purposes) weren’t able to rally the north.
However, it was fun to see the wonderful Ser Davos shine and persuade the preteen head of House Mormont to ally with the Stark family against Ramsay Bolton.
It was also some kind of poetic awesomeness – or tragedy – to see a little reminder of our very own Ser Jorah in the north – for some reason, I kind of want to see him turn up all tired and covered in Greyscale to remind the world that Khaleesi will BURN EVERYONE!! Ah, yet again, wishful thinking…
Yara Greyjoy is an amazingly sexy lesbian and Theon is still a bit Reek-y
Following their escape from their murderous uncle, Euron Greyjoy, it was nice to see that Yara and Theon Greyjoy had managed to put their differences aside and make their way across the Narrow Sea – I’m assuming – to a brothel, of all places.
In a touching moment of sibling affection, rarely seen in Game of Thrones, we see Yara casually motorboat a sexy prostitute, before forcing her brother to drink a cup of ale and remind himself of who he is, or kill himself, before spilling her plan to strike up an alliance with Daenerys, in order to use her dragons and steal back the Iron Throne from their thieving uncle. I mean, they did steal the plan from him, so I can’t say any of us are in a place to point fingers – but whatever – I hope they win. I hate their creepy, murderous uncle and I’ve forgiven poor Eunic Reek for his dastardly crimes against the Starks following Sansa’s escape.
What in the living hell has happened to Arya and who the living shit do I need to kill to make me feel better?!
I mean, this is almost as much as I can write, given how utterly irate I am. To be fair, I barely breathed throughout the whole ordeal and upset the human I live with when I burst into the office and screamed that I needed a cuddle, before throwing something at him and running away – terrified and sad and confused.
I always thought that it was pretty straightforward to predict which characters would make it to the final resolution of the novels – and in my opinion, I always thought that Arya would make it through to the end of the novels, standing beside her resurrected brother Jon, Tyrion Lannister and Khaleesi as they realised that the iron throne is a bit shit, really. Then Tyrion brings loads of wine, and everything is really okay, after all.
However, given that Arya was unfairly ambushed by that god damned bitch, disguised as an old lady (and let’s face it, we’ve all seen Snow White, we’d have known how this was going to go down!) – it’s also pretty hard to believe that our favourite Stark princess is in genuine danger.
However, let’s face it – her view before she was brutally ambushed suggested that she was very close to where Khaleesi’s stomping grounds are, and after she threw herself in the water and wandered through the foreign city, clutching her bleeding stomach, it was hard to believe that she was in genuine danger.
I’m assuming that either Tyrion or Varys are going to save her and have some kind of Westerosi reunion that ends in Arya befriending our beloved Khaleesi – just like I prophesised back in the day, when she first stepped on the boat that ruined her life, as she befriended the bloody faceless men bastards who I hope rot in hell.