Is it just me, or do the weeks feel like they’re getting shorter? Anyway, this week’s episode of Game of Thrones – here we go.
Let’s get straight into the write up, shall we? This week’s episode of Game of Thrones was certainly a thinker; there was a ridiculous amount of character development, while simultaneously throwing back to seasons foregone (namely seasons two and three) and audiences were witness to multiple characters in the episode – figuratively – returning to these earlier seasons to show us a peek into the people they’ve become as a direct result of playing the game.
I don’t think anyone was truly worried when they saw Arya’s blood being poured onto the streets of Braavos in last week’s episode of Game of Thrones, so it was no real surprise to see her alive and relatively well in this week’s episode. Although – I have to say – I didn’t really expect her to seek help from the woman she was initially assigned to kill as part of her final exam – as I already mentioned last week, I’d hoped she’d find herself directly in front of Tyrion and Varys – and I’m slightly disappointed that I was let down this week.
Even so, her desperate flight from the Faceless Men was wonderfully staged. Admittedly, it did look like it had come from an early adaptation of the upcoming Assassin’s Creed screenplay, but the streets of Braavos were beautifully captured; each segment – namely the piece in which she gracelessly tumbled down a set of stairs, ruining the fruit market for everyone else – was beautifully evocative and excellently captured.
However, I do have to admit that I was slightly disappointed by the end of this particular storyline. Following her deft extinguishing of the candle with Needle, I felt that returning to the place where she realised she was never going to be the girl with no name was pointless. It made me feel that the whole – almost deadly – endeavour was a bit of a set up by Jaqen H’Ghar to either kill the Waif, or ensure Arya passed her final exam by posing her with a proper challenge. Truthfully, though, I find it hard to believe, especially given that when she was asked if she was now ‘no one’, her response was to reiterate that she was Arya Stark of Winterfell – AND THAT SHE WAS GOING HOME. Jaqen’s smile at the end was pretty adorable, and somewhat intriguing – like he knew all along she’d never be able to drop her identity – but not at all anything to think about in comparison with Arya’s revelation.
Ultimately, though, I do feel like the entire House of Black and White plot – you know the storyline that has lasted multiple seasons – was entirely pointless, and I feel like a few too many plot holes have been wilfully ignored. Never mind though – nothing else matters now – ARYA IS HEADED BACK TO WESTEROS!
The Hound is back and better than ever
Seeing The Hound storm angrily towards an isolated pocket of the Brotherhood without Banners posse that he initially encountered in last week’s episode of Game of Thrones, was undoubtedly exceptional – his rage was almost palpable through my TV screen. Markedly, the entire scene did offer us a poignant throwback to the early days of Game of Thrones, when overwhelmingly gratuitous violence reigned supreme – and for that I am truly grateful; it was really pretty great to see Sander Clegane roar back from his retirement with vigour and murder those who wronged him in a manner that really did make me wonder if the watershed was enough to protect the unwitting from the lasting image of The Hound setting upon another man’s crotch with an axe, before telling him he was shit at dying… it was bloody, brilliant and truly glorious.
I was also pretty excited to see The Hound eventually reunite with the rest of the Brotherhood without Banners – the good guys – including the seemingly immortal Beric Dondarrion and the ultimate sex god that is Paul Kaye (what? WHAT? He is ridiculously sexy, even with the pathetic man bun) – and, let’s not forget that it also reminded us of the last time we saw these guys – seasons two/three – I told you there was an inextricable link.
Cersei finally drinks wine and womans up
“I choose violence.”
Cue inexplicable screaming noises emerging from my endlessly happy mouth. It was genuinely a beautiful sight to see a zombified Ser Gregor Clegane effortlessly rip the little sparrow neck from an initiate unfortunate enough to be responsible for summoning Cersei from the safety of the Red Keep.
“FINALLY,” I screamed, as I fell in love with Cersei all over again. Although, let’s face it, my love for the nastiest, bitchiest wine queen has never truly diminished.
Admittedly, for the first time ever, I am somewhat terrified for Cersei; it seemed like the only way for her to defeat the Sparrows was death by combat and I am really sad that it didn’t pan out the way that I’d hoped…namely with the High Sparrow’s face splattered gloriously and bloodily on the walls of the Red Keep.
King Tommen genuinely makes me miss Joffrey
I know, right? I never thought I’d have reason to utter those vile words, but given his utterly ridiculous favour since he became king, and his blatant display of bollockslessness (that’s a word), I feel like I need to wipe my hands of him forever, and wish for Joffrey’s despicably nasty corpse to be brought back to life by the witch doctor.
I also feel that it is necessary to point out that I feel the prophecy that Cersei has spoken about – the one in which she was doomed to watch all her kids die – will still come true in this season of Game of Thrones. I’m thinking that either Cersei or Jaime will be the person to eventually ram a knife into the little spineless bastard Tommen’s face – and let’s face it, he deserves it: with a mother as wonderfully powerful as Cersei and a wife as hot as Margaery, what could possibly be problematic enough that he feels the need to be complicit and loyal to a stinking old man with no shoes? Seriousl, Tommen – I genuinely wish Joffrey were around to mentally and emotionally torture the living shit out of you.
BRIENNE AND JAIME FOREVER (please, Game of Thrones)
As I keep saying, season six of Game of Thrones, is a perpetual throwback to earlier seasons, and in this week’s episode, seeing Jaime and Brienne reuinite was truly adorable, and brilliant, and every other nice word you could possibly think of to describe true and somewhat pointless love.
It was genuinely endearing to see Jaime Lannister reunite with the woman who made him discover his deeply hidden moral compass – and if you watched it with as much emotional investment in the two of them finally and eventually getting it on (Marvin Gaye plays in the background). Of course, I mean the moment in which Brienne attempted to give Jaime his sword back and he said, “it belongs to you” – of course he blatantly meant his HEART. I don’t think that I’m looking into it too much at all and I don’t think that it’s wrong to assume that Brienne’s heart totally belongs to him too.
Of course, I feel a little sorry for Tormund Giantsbane, but what can I say, the Jaime/Brienne storyline still remains the most poignant love story in the entire Game of Thrones story – let’s face it, who the hell else would fight a BEAR, unless there is undying love involved?!
The siege of Riverrun
Although I was pretty impressed to see Jaime exercising some bollocks in front of Ser Edmure, ultimately, I was left feeling pretty disappointed overall, and ended up feeling as though it was Edmure’s neck that had been ripped from its foundations during the Red Wedding, instead of his blatantly superior sister, Catelyn Stark.
When Jaime first arrived at Riverrun, it genuinely looked like some kind of monumental Lannister-Tully smackdown was poising itself on the precipice of epicness, with Blackfish and his army refusing to go down without a proper fight. However, when Ser Edmure the Fanny (not his official name) returned to the castle and ordered his men to lay down their arms, it felt like the writers – Benioff and Weiss – had simply forgot to write something that day; it was SO disappointing, like they were desperate for me and people like me to renounce Game of Thrones forever, or something.
Truthfully – and let’s face it, my Game of Thrones predictions are always on point – I’m hoping that Jaime is hoping to gather an army on his side, so he can return gloriously to King’s landing and ruin the High Sparrow stronghold over the city, thus saving Cersei from almost certain death. COME ON, JAIME, YOU CAN DO IT!!
Itsy Bitsy Spider – where are you going?
I know that most people are probably unperturbed to see Varys returning to Westeros, but admittedly, he is a character I love very much – his loyalty to Tyrion is pretty much unbreakable, and I am really sad to see that he is returning to a country where he will face almost certain death for abetting Tyrion in his escape from King’s Landing.
I am however intrigued to see where Varys is going. It seems that the only logical explanation would be for him to head north to the Wall and request the assistance of the Night’s Watch, but given that they have no ships it seems unlikely, the same goes for the Starks (which, as far as he knows don’t exist, unless his little birds can reach that far). I’m feeling a bit of dread in my stomach when I think that he is perhaps headed to the Iron Islands and requesting the help of the most murderous uncle to ever exist… Daenerys will not want help from a misogynist murderer, Varys, what are you thinking? Or… what if he is thinking the Boltons? They’re pledged to the Lannisters – well, at least they were before bastard Ramsay became warden of the North.. I need to know, I am unhappy
Tyrion’s Battle of Blackwater PTSD
You know how I keep reiterating that season six of Game of Thrones is a throwback to earlier seasons? I think in the case of this week’s episode, it was definitely a reminder of the Battle of Blackwater, in more ways than one – although hopefully without the ‘hole in Tyrion’s face moment’.
In scenes that were so reminiscent of his Lannister roots – namely Cersei’s appreciation for wine and the time she kept forcing it upon Sansa – it was adorable to see Tyrion essentially doing the same, before inadvertantly bringing war to the isles of Meereen.
Admittedly, it was pretty cute and slightly humorous to see him looking apologetic upon realising that his Westeros inspired plan to offer prostitutes to slavers was not his best laid plan… However, it did result in the eventual return of Daenerys.
Admittedly, a disappointing and implausible return, but a return nevertheless.